Loosing...faith...

The way of a Jedi is hard, a Jedi seeks not excitment and adventure. BUT I DO!

I knew at the begining that the path to a Jedi is both treacherous and arduous. I knew at the begining that it will take a tremendous effort and a lot of patience to become a Jedi. I thought I had them, I thought I have strong will, I thought I have patience... I thought I too can become a Jedi....

The TKA tenets say: courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control and indomitable spirit. It took me 10 years to earn my black belt. I thought I can do the same for the Jedihood. But now, I'm no longer sure... no longer sure of anything... I have spent countless time now in training, hurting and learning the way of the Force, not to mention completing those strenuous tasks given by the village elders... still I'm no where close to be even a Padawan, a mere Padawan is many levels above my current grasp of the Force.

Although I have accomplished much, but becoming a Jedi is just seems imposibble right now. Plus the current economy turmoil, making money is much harder now, I will have a tough time of upkeeping my combat equipments and constant food supplies, despite I have a big sum of credits in the bank, but how long will it last....? Pursuing the Jedi path, I have neglected much of the other aspects the life, other interests and study I want to do. I just don't have time for it right now...

I'm wavering... to be or not to be...? Until I make up my mind, I'll keep force training a lil longer...